Steps to Overcoming the Crud:
1) Wake up and try to feel like a human. Get coffee, get clean, put on real clothes.
2) Replace real clothes with sweatpants and t-shirt. Who are you kidding? You're still a zombie.
3) Take your vitamins and fill up your water bottle.
4) Assume position on the couch, preferably with an electric blanket and a dog.
5) Drink water.
6) Find a good Adventure book, one you can really get lost in. Suggestions include: The Emerald Mile, Sixty Meters to Anywhere, The Longest Silence, Young Men and Fire, The Dharma Bums, and Sex Death, and Fly Fishing.
7) Drink more water.
8) Get really excited about the book you're reading, feel invincible and cured, jump up from the couch to go on a big adventure.
9) Fall back down, you're still a zombie.
10) Drink more water and don't forget to sanitize the bottle upon refills.
11) Switch from books to Netflix, the words are starting to swirl together and find a good adventure documentary. Suggestions include Valley Uprising, Damnation, 180 South, Great Yellowstone Thaw, and Under the Arctic Sky.
12) Go to the bathroom, you've had a lot of water.
13) Consume broth. Vegetable, chicken, beef, doesn't matter; also, fill up your water bottle.
14) Turn your electric blanket back on.
15) Continue with your book, it's probably getting to the good part, and you've had broth so the words shouldn't be running together anymore.
16) Drink water.
17) Decide it's time to move back to bed, it's starting to get darker out.
18) Make yourself a tea with bourbon and lemon. Put a hat on your bedpost and drink until you see two hats instead of one.
19) Put your movie back on. There's not going to be anymore reading tonight and the noise will help drown out your partner eating ice cream for dinner and feeding the dogs.
20) Go to sleep. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow you will be human again.